What's Important...

Recently, you may have heard that life has just got a little more complicated for me and my family. Just when I started thinking that with the new year, that my curse, my family curse was going to be gone with the change, it happens...

Where do I begin? Right now, I am sick of it. I am sick of hearing and telling the story over and over to everyone, who asks what happened. So I figure I will write about it, so that in the future, I will have this to come back to, and be thankful it was not worse.

Late Saturday night, Jason went to go pick up Erick from the Stake dance. I was downstairs playing video games alone, when all of the sudden, a flipping bat, (yes a bat!) flew wildly around Erick's room. It scared the crap out of me. I thought Jason was just going batty, when he said it happened to him one night, in the summer. But we never found it, and we could not imagine how it got in there. So I got a hoody on, and a broom and went back to see what I could do. It swooped down at me, back and forth, until it landed on the wall, and it stuck it's self there. Then I decided to just wait for Jason to come home but as I was standing there, I got a frantic phone call from my dad. It just a few words, he yelled out that the house was on fire! I asked him, "are you kidding?" He said no. Then told me to call my mom and then he was cut off. Suddenly the bat did not seem so scary.

Their home was a nice double wide trailer. It had 2000 sq. feet. What had happened, according to the fire chief, was that the cat must had knocked down the Christmas tree and it set on fire. It was a Scotch Pine, and it was loaded with lights. My dad even made the comment before, that is was the fullest and most beautiful tree they have had for a while. My dad does not remember getting out. He does not know how or who helped. When he heard the alarms go off all at once when he was in his bedroom, he said the cat came running, he saw the glow through the black smoke, he grabbed the cat and tucked it under his shirt. Then he ran to the back door, which was seized by the heat and banged on it. The neighbor who was in the shower, heard his calls for help, and her husband saw it was on fire. Several neighbors came and they all tell a different story, but none of them say who helped him out. One says he was on the ground. They all say he was already out when they came. My poor dad, my mean old crazy dad, is totally traumatized. He has been having nightmares, and he says the flames were right up to him. He last remembers kicking on the door and seeing the flames above his head and thinking he was going to die.

He got out of the hospital late Monday night. He did get some burns, and he had damage to his lungs and throat. The doctor says it can be months before it's healed inside. But they released him because he can breathe on his own now. I am doing what ever I can, I even cleared out Clark's room and bought a bed for them. Their ward members have been awesome! Dria's basketball team, and the varsity gave her tons of bags of stuff and a card full of money. I think she will be okay, but she has been in shock for two days, acting as if nothing happened. But yesterday, it has hit her, and she isn't the same.

Tragedy happens to everyone in some form. I hope we never experience anything worse. I do know what is is like to lose everything in a fire. My family was in a wreak with our moving trailer while on the way to Alaska when I was ten years old. Everything we had was in a stupid trailer meant for hay. When it was destroyed, all of the stuff was burnt in a giant bon fire, set by my dad and his friends. We had no insurance on the things and so we didn't have anything for a while after we moved. In fact, we went on to Fairbanks, and we lived in a tent! (well I slept in the front seat of the pick-up) Life went on, and we made do with what we had, each other. So with this, it will be another story to tell, a lesson learned, and a chance to start fresh for my parents. Most importantly, I do believe everything happens for a reason, even if it has the outcome we do not like, but Heavenly Father has a plan, whether we live die now or die later. I really believe that. Thank you for all of your support and love, but we will be okay and we will survive.

I Am Hauling Out The Holly!

It is just a perfect day to put things away, nice, sunny, and warm. I am letting my tree stay a day longer than it should, because I am focusing on outdoor stuff first. I already changed my profile, as you can see, I just couldn't wait. It's my New Year background. I love changing things, I wish I could get some snow before spring, but I am ready for a clean, simple house again.

When the holiday season is over, I begin my spring cleaning early. (I have to do it when I get the motivation) My dream is to have everything labeled, and put in a proper storage box. (no cardboard allowed) I want to get rid of my junk, and I have plan to get rid of anything I haven't touched in a year's time or more. A few things could stay, that are momentos, but really, I have to get real, some things are ridiculous to keep. Like clothes that don't fit, but wish that someday they could...Extra pots and pans, when really, I only have one favorite that I ever use...Toys, especially happy meal toys! And of course, anything I hang on to because I got a good deal on it, it half works, or because I had it when I was a kid. The truth is, and what I keep on telling myself, is...that somebody else could use it now, and would be thrilled to have it. So why not just give it up? That is what I tell myself, every year or every move. I don't need five totes full of Christmas stuff, so that is my goal, to downgrade it substantially. You should try it! It is like my own personal anti-depression , self-cleansing, refreshing thing that I do, to keep me happy and sane.

All I Want For Christmas is...Everything!!!

When I was a kid, I was pretty sneaky, or so I thought... I had to believe in Santa, and if I didn't, my mom said he wouldn't come to me. But I believed...kind of, because I never once found out how and where they would hide our presents!

I admit, I was a bit spoiled. Every year, I had a tall order for what I wanted. If my mom insisted there was a Santa, I figured I can get everything I wanted. And most of the time, I did. My list was not outrageous, but it did consist of numerous things. Literally I would get about 15 presents most of the time. My parent's were not rich either, but I had no clue that they were paying for it. I just figured, I must have been good enough for it.

It was exciting, very exciting, on Christmas Eve night. I would look out the window for Rudolph's red nose, and I thought I even saw it. Then I would end up falling asleep and I would, every year, get up in the middle of the night to discover first what we got. Being the oldest of a crew of four, I didn't always wake the others because they would be too loud. I never got caught, that I can remember, as I crawled on the floor quietly to inspect the area in the dark. A sibling or two would end up almost spoiling it, for I did threaten them if they made a single sound. After I judged which was mine and who's was who's, I would go back to bed. I would even go as far as unwrapping a gift or too, and putting it back together!

My parent's must of known something was up, because every year they tried to fool us by putting a weird name or symbol on the package so we didn't know who it belonged to. One year, I got up as usual, and went to the living room to find one huge taped up box! That was it, all the gifts inside. It caught me by surprise, and I wasn't able to open it to sneak a peek. I never told my kids about this, because I didn't want to give them any ideas. But nevertheless, I have been careful and now I don't care. If they want to spoil their surprise, they can. I just want them to wait until a decent time in the morning to do it. Man, I must be getting old!

I think about how great my youth was, all those presents, really never lasted. Not even the doll houses I had, or the stereo or even the TV. I thought that is how many presents a person was supposed to get if they were good. It took me until my senior year, when Jason came to visit Christmas morning and he saw what we got for Christmas. I would never forget how he shocked he was. He being the youngest of twelve came from a humble home, his gifts were few and practical. I felt bad. But he didn't say much. Then when Erick had his first Christmas, I went totally overboard! It was stupid! Because after watching the video tape, Jason and Erick opening gift after gift, it was apparent that it was too much. So over the years, it took me to realize that it's not about the gifts, that prove how much you deserve it. So this year, the kids are getting three gifts each, using the three wise men as a example. That is the way it should be, remembering it's someone's birthday, not theirs and that they are lucky to get anything at all. I just love Christmas...

Christmas Crap

I feel like blah!
I was feeling better for a day, but then after I had to clean up Clark's barf in the bathroom, at 3:15 am, I am so sick to my stomach again. Why do we have to be cursed? Why did Clark not lift the lid before he barfed? Then after I cleaned it , I was so tired and I scrubbed my hands twice with soap and still they smelled gross? Why then afterwards I heard the cat barfing on the stairs and I didn't throw her out in time? Why, Why, Why? I was going to make some Christmas cookies today for my neighbors, and do you think they would appreciate some stomach flu to go with it? I am also sad we missed going to chuch today, and though we are stuck here, waiting for the rest of the kids to bring more Christmas cheer, I thought maybe I would feel good enough to clean a little. But Jason refuses to do anything. He was sick two days ago and he never had to vomit, but he was well enough to play video games. I am trying to get my stomach settled enough for lunch, and to make everything worse, Jason has two dead deer hanging in the back yard! Anyone for deer meat? It makes me gag at the thought of it. Why, Why, Why? I am just sick of all this Christmas crap! That is all I have left to say.....

Do I Really Wish I Could Read Minds?

If I could read minds, would I like what was being said in them? When we all watched Twilight, I think everyone could agree that the scene in the cafe about mind reading was strange. I didn't expect it, and I guess it added a little extra humor when Edward mentioned the guy thinking about cats. In Sabrina's case, that would properly be true. But would I want Edward's gift? Yes and no!

I was not going to write about my experience creating the Christmas dinner. It is over with, and though some see it as a success, I see room to improve. Most people know it's not easy being a person with authority. Mine was not much, but my goal as the church's new activity coordinator was to impress the congregation so that they would accept me, and come to future events. I really wanted to make it special too. I wanted to share the Christmas spirit all around. As if you seen my blog early on, I have been in the Christmas spirit for some time. But again, I can't read minds, and it was obvious that some people were not sharing in the experience through out the week preparing and through the event it's self.

I went through a week of heck about meat! What a stupid thing to stress over, and when all the griping was done, and I had to make a executive decision over it, I ended up with too much of it. I felt because I had to make that decision, I thought the person I was dealing with was mad at me. If I could of read her mind, I would have slept better on Friday night and would have known that she would have came to help me after she said she wouldn't. It worked out. I was thrilled. The decorations turned out just the way I planned. It was beautiful. I wanted people to be in awe. It made me so happy and thrilled that all my planning turned out nicely and that people would be happy. All I had to do then was to sit back and enjoy the moment. BUT that moment was soured by a few minor things and people. I tried to turn the other cheek and think to myself, what was going on in their mind. I should have known that no matter what, things were going to get knocked over, people were going to complain about not finding a seat (which were many and I can't help that our church is so small and I used all the tables I had), and that people were going to be so indecisive about performing or not. I had people mad at me for their inability to bring their Nativities on time. I had people mad at me because I asked them to perform before people began to go home. I had people mad at me because I bought ham instead of turkey, the list goes on. All this complaining made me for one moment rethink about doing this dinner again next year.

I am still upset about it, and I prayed not to be. It made me feel better today that more people than complainers actually thought the dinner went so well. It made me feel good, and I had so much praise, it was almost getting annoying. Maybe if I could have read their minds, I would have not let the problems get the best of me. And maybe I could have avoided some unpleasantness. Perhaps I wish people could read my mind and they would know that I was trying really hard to please everyone and my heart was in the right place.

Candy Canes and Canker Sores

Candy Canes and Canker Sores, don't mix! It seems like it's the season to be fat and jolly, it starts in October and ends with a all out party on the last night of the year! Why, oh why, do we fall into this trap? Goodies and more goodies every where and every day, all in the name of a holiday. You know cankers feel, Clark gets them very often. I caught him sneaking dry juice mix and eating it! The packets are sugar free and is supposed to make up a gallon of juice, but he has been eating it like his own private Pixie Stick!

* warning, may contain gross content*

We all went to the dentist this fall and I am the one who ended up with six cavities! Oh brother! I had to go, because when I ate something chocolate, I began to feel pain. I went on Friday and it took them a hour to do one tooth! It took so long mainly because it was really deep and I couldn't get numb enough. I won't go into details but one I have to admit I was nervous, I was even shaking. Before we started, he asked me about about the tumor I had in my mouth that I had removed years ago. I think that was as close as I will ever get to real torture! I had surgery to pull down a tooth out of my pallet and was awake for it, but nothing can compare to what I had to endure! In as little details as possible, it was in my bottom jaw and it grew so big it covered my bottom teeth! I was awake for everything, and the smell of burning flesh will never leave my mind. The surgeon warned me that if it grew back for a third time, I might lose a portion of my jaw and teeth! I was super scared. After the second surgery, I looked in the mirror and saw what looked like a horror movie, my jaw bone surrounded by burnt flesh! (I will not describe what the tumor looked like after they removed it.)

My dentist on Friday brought back some of that fear, after he begun drilling the first time and I was not numb enough! I could not help but have tears roll down my eyes. Then he gave me all he could, he said, and I still felt it sorta. But for hours later, I could not talk right or eat. I survived and I think this is a lesson to be learned, for my kids, that need to lay off the candy. I haven't bought any Christmas candy for their stockings, and I might not.

Ice, Ice Baby....

This time of the year, when it gets cold outside, I walk very carefully to avoid falling. But every year I always manage to have one great fall that shatters my nerves, and makes me afraid to walk where ever ice is possible. So then I end up walking like a granny. (no offense to anyone who is..) It's hard to believe that there was a time in my life that I use to love the ice. I was not the greatest skater, nor the fastest, but when I played hockey with the boys, I can admit, I wasn't bad. I only played for fun in gym, recess, and after school. Yes, our elementary school Woodriver in Fairbanks, was so awesome, that we had our own skating rink!

I never played on a real team, but my brother's did when we lived in Evanston, Wyoming. Jason was my new husband at the time, and I pushed him to play with my little brothers all of the time. Since I was unable to skate any more because of my knees, he did. There was only one outdoor rink that anyone can use. When it wasn't being used for practice or games, it was open to the public and there were skates avaible to rent.

Well one night, when I was visiting my mom while Jason was out skating with my brothers, something happened. Something, gross and disgusting. I still remember the moment when I was eager for Jason to be back and my brother's came into the kitchen being loud as usual. Jason came in and acted as if nothing was wrong and he sat down to take of his wet boots and then said something to the effect of needing a bandage or something. I can't remember then, what my brother's were saying, something like how he got to drive Jason home and that he swore! (Danny was only in middle school at the time) but Jason pulled up his pant leg, and exposed this giant bloody hole! Yes! It was a pretty bad wound and Jason was even smiling. What is wrong with him? My mom rushed to his side, she being a nurse, she was always the one to go to for help. I could barely look at it, just the thought of where it came from was enough to be sick about! Apparently, the rink did not have any hocky skates for his size, so...he wore figure ice skates while playing around with my brothers. Showing off, I am sure! He fell and the long end of the skate went right into his leg! ALL THE WAY TO THE BONE! He pulled it out through his jeans, and the meat stuck into the inside of the pants. According to Jason, and then he swore for the first time in front of my brother's, who were totally shocked by this!

(Okay, you are proberly thinking this is the last of my gross stories, but nope, there are plenty more...ha ha ha)

I had to make my mom stay home while I personally drove him to the hospital. He didn't want to go. He said he was fine. When we got there at that little hospital, we were like the only ones there and they seemed to give us a ton of attention. They first did not believe the story, they thought it was a bullet hole! It certainly looks like one! Poor guy, he may be able to stand blood on animals, but he is a complete baby when it's his own. They had to clean him out, and when they shined the light inside, they let me look, and yes, there was the bone! I asked if they could just sew it, but they couldn't. So they packed it with a long piece of cloth, which had to be changed a few times a day until the hole closed up from the bottom up. You can image what that looked like, when they pulled out the blood soaked cloth. They sent him home the next day, after they fed him IV stuff, and then after that, it was a process to go through twice a day to get cleaned and restuffed. So, so, so gross. He has a scar for life that looks like a bullet wound. After this, I never ice skated again and neither did Jason.

Why Yes Vivienne, There Is A Santa Claus!

*CAUTION MAJOR SPOILER ALERT! KEEP KIDS AWAY!*

To tell or not to tell, that is the question. Should I tell Vivienne the truth about Santa? I wanted to but Jason didn't. I was going to tell her anyways and asked her some questions about it, and she responded with some innocent answers. She really believes in him , and I didn't want to crush that Christmas spirit gleam in her face. Though last year we told Clark the truth. He accepted it and has been really understanding. This year I told Vivienne the truth about the Tooth Fairy because trying to lie about it was just getting ridiculous! So I didn't tell her and her belief in Santa will continue for another year.

I know some of you have never did the Santa thing. The stories they come up in movies make the whole thing even bigger in some kids minds. I for one turned out okay, for as I believed in Santa far into my high school years. Even when I saw the presents my parent's bought and even if I heard them wrap things far into the night as a child. Some how and some way, even when my parent's were going through tough times, I still got just about everything I wanted! So he had to be real, to get the things I wanted even when my parent's were poor.

There is no doubt that I have a big imagination, and on Christmas Eve, I would stare out the window, looking for the Christmas star and Rudolph's shiny red nose. One year when I was in third grade, I could have sworn that I saw it and I told everybody I did. It was properly a plane but I believed. Especially when I have met the real Santa! There is a man (maybe crazy) that lives in a town called the North Pole in Alaska, who claims to be Santa Claus. I believed because I went there, and I saw his house, his workshop, and his reindeer. There was no Rudolph. So am I warped because I believed? My mom told me if I didn't Santa would not come.

I think it's not healthy to lie to your kids, but do we tell them everything? I am certain that all of can say we have lied to them for a good reason, at one time or another. Believing in Santa makes Christmas more special. Of course we know what the true meaning of Christmas is. I think I already explained in my last post, Christmas has become more than just our Savior's birthday. It has become a time where we should act more Christlike in honor of our Savior. The image of Santa carries that love on. Especially in time where people do not believe in our Savior at all, little do they know that Santa himself is helping people get into Christ like activity. BUT of course it's important to not let Santa over shadow our Savior, or worship him as if he was the Savior. Some people get confused, there is always going to be people that go overboard, commercialize Christmas, and take advantage of people during this time.

Believing that there is someone good in this world who cares about little children is a positive role model for our kids. Why would I want to take that away? Why is it any different than having other fictional characters as role models? Kids aren't stupid, they may wish to grow up like Santa, wouldn't that be better that Miley Cyrus? I enjoy playing Santa to my kids every year, it makes me happy. And temperorarily takes us away from reality of our troubles. I am sure someone can agree? It would be sad without Santa. What do you think?